My sister is a Goonie.

My sister is my all time favorite sister.  The Goonies is our all time favorite movie. 

My nose is crooked.

She just had a birthday. 

Lets take this time to illustrate how her life perfectly mirrors the plot of The Goonies.

Setting:

The Goonies: takes place in Astoria, Oregon, 1985.

My sister: Has been to Oregon.  Also, she was 2 in 1985.

My sister is the second of two, just like Mikey.  (I'm Brand, I guess.)  She has terrible asthma, just like Mikey.  She once owned a denim jacket (I'm guessing).  Her father is a museum curly...I mean curator, just like Mikey's.  (Well, he's in law enforcement, but that's pretty close.)

Once, when we were young, a rich snooty country club was buying our land from the bank and we were being forced to move.  Just like in The Goonies!!!  (Not actually true.  BUT!  Once, Becky cut her hair off and threw it behind the hope chest at the end of the hallway.)

Mikey and his friends find a map in the attic ("Chunk!"  "I didn't do it!"  "I know you didn't do it, get over here!")  Once, my sister and I found a TURTLE in the garden of our childhood home.  Eerie, isn't?

Becky is, by all accounts, a beautiful woman.  But that wasn't always the case. Exhibit 1:  Her 2nd grade school picture.  So, I guess she understands Sloth's worldview.

Where was I?  Oh, right.

So, after they find the map, they also find the doubloon.  This leads them to haystack rock, the lighthouse, and the restaurant.  At the restaurant, they meat the Fratelli's, some stuff happens, and they find the shaft under the fireplace.  ("It's the start of a tunnel!")

My sister, after meeting Sandy Kemptner, turned into a total weirdo.  Once they stood at the end of our driveway dressed like idiots and sang patriotic songs to all who dared drive by.

Let's see...Oh.  Becky has a tattoo, just like the Fratelli brothers. 

Also, Becky likes ice cream, just like the dead guy and Chunk. 

Umm...OH!

Remember the scene where Mikey accidentally kisses Andy in the dark, then later Andy tells Brand something is different, then they figure it out, then at the end she tells Mikey he is a great little "kid, errr, person"?  I love that part.  Not sure how that ties it with my sister, though.  Let's be honest.

Becky grew up.  She did smart things, and dumb things.  The scales of justice tilted back and forth on the matter.  I want to say she has a good "heart", or something sappy like that, but she would just gently remind me that theologically, that is a totally inaccurate thing to say about anyone. 

Becky met Chris, and they fell in love.  Just like Chunk and Sloth. 

True story:  At their wedding, they insisted on having all of the music played on an organ made out of human bones.  It was so romantic.

They moved to Jackson Hole, WY, to help start a church. 

I guess, this would be the part where the kids are sliding down the water slides.  I totally skipped:  pinchers of peril, slick shoes, the moss garden wishing well, Troy on the toilet, "men's room, Mikey, men's room", the bats, the blender, and a zillion other tiny details.  You can call me lazy, or we can just agree that this blog isn't going as smoothly as I originally planned.

Mini-side blog:

Rebecca is a very sensitive person.  She feels for others, and likes to help.  She is also the crankiest person in the history of the world right as she is falling asleep, or right as she is waking up.  Chris has to keep his gun locked up for this very reason.

Becky gets funny things, too.  If we are hanging out, we can just start laughing and giving each other knowing looks without saying anything.  How did we BOTH KNOW that we were thinking of the Saved by the Bell quote "I'm covered in oil!" as a punch line to some external observation?  I don't know.  But these things happen to us.

Um...The other thing about her is this:  If her brother tried to write a blog comparing her life to the plotline of The Goonies, and it turned out horribly, with no sense of direction or coherency, she would way rather it end abruptly than to go on awkwardly. 

I can hear her saying:

"It’s okay, you’re a Goonie, and Goonies always make mistakes.  Just. Don't. Make. Anymore."

And that, dear readers, is what makes her the best Goonie of them all. 

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